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Infertility Support and Discussion
Reply to "Insensitive comments about donor conceived child "
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[quote=Anonymous]Please give your MIL a break. She's trying very hard to find a connection with her pending grandchild. Many older people place a large priority on bonding over family traits. Yes, the child is not biologically her son's, but she is trying very hard to come to terms with the child not be biologically his and still trying to find a way to bond. Finding traits of her son in her grandchild will help her to overcome the mental frame of "that isn't his child". Some people find getting accustomed to treating non-biological off-spring the same as biological off-spring to be difficult. I would stop reminding her that the child is not biologically related to your husband and just be happy that she is trying to remove the mental framework that this is not his child and not her grandchild. She is trying to find a way to treat this child the same way she would treat a biological grandchild. Due to my wife having genetic issues, we had our children with donor egg. We were open with family during the entire process and they all knew and acknowledged the donor egg from implantation until the kids were a year or two old. Now, that the kids are in middle school, most of the family has pretty much forgotten that the children were conceived by donor egg. They have personalities and they have been a part of our families for all their lives, so everyone just stopped thinking about their origin. We still have people in the family, who know, who still make comments about things that the kids inherited from their mother. And this is on both sides of the family. So, we just go with the flow. I think of it like a blended family. You marry and your spouse's children become your children and after a while, your stop distinguishing between your child by birth and your child by marriage. And so does your family. And I think that's the end goal. So my advice is, since she already knows, just stop reminding her. You can be open and still not bother correcting her when she makes such a mistake. [/quote]
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