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[quote=Anonymous]My husband has azoospermia - no sperm. After a few years of medication and two surgeries we moved forward with donor sperm. The day he found out he said it doesn't matter he would be thrilled with adoption or donor sperm. He's been incredible on this journey. We've been very open with close family and friends. We are older and found it easier to tell people what was happening vs pretending we weren't trying. You can only say maybe next year so many times.

Anyway. Now we are expecting a baby girl this summer and mil has seen a few of our ultrasound photos and keeps saying things like she has DH's nose or she looks like so and so from her family. She has only said these things around me and not dh. I gently reminded her that I while DD will know who her dad is and love him we will also be very open with her from birth on the use of donor sperm - from all the counseling we've done it's best for her overall health and being to grow up knowing.

When DH sister has her son their mom also pulled the oh nephew looks just like my DH - while we were going through treatment. DH said it stung but she means well.

How do we navigate these conversations? We of course want baby girl to feel connected to his side of the family and we want them to feel connected to her but not at the erasure of her conception and journey. Mostly being sensitive to DH wishes and feelings too because I don't want him fielding those comments or trying to answer when she's here and we are bonding and getting used to the newborn chaos.

A good friend said it's harmless and comparable to people saying I look like our rescue dog and that she will absolutely pick up on DH traits and might be more like him than me in the end- which is completely true and I can only hope. But the comments from mil about facial features in utero feel over the top. They really picked apart nephew when he was born and tried to give each feature to someone in her family and I can't decide if it's sweet and bonding or harmful in the end to how baby girl will conceptualize her conception story [/quote]

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