Reply to “I don’t want to behave like this anymore”…helping our explosive 8 year old

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[quote=Anonymous] Our 8.5 year old son doesn’t have a formal diagnosis but is a mix of adhd, anxiety, spectrum…

We’ve been working for years on emotions and regulation. Yesterday after one of his worse tantrums he cried, “I don’t want to behave like this anymore” which I thought was such an amazingly astute observation.

He had gotten mad at his little brother and we quickly tried to deescalate him (breathe, let’s go to your calm space) but it didn’t work and he yelled more, ripped up artwork, and ultimately ended up punching his brother.

We give out consequences, of course, but it makes it soooo much worse.

“None of this would have happened if you had told Little Brother he couldn’t do X, then I wouldn’t be angry!”

We struggle so much…we need to deescalate him, but we also don’t want little brother to see us giving so much comfort to the brother while he’s yelling, saying unkind things, and destroying work from the refrigerator.
In the moment nothing works…strategies (breath, squeeze this ball)…he gets very angry very fast.

We’ll talk with him today when he’s calm and see what he says…

Any kind advice is welcome.[/quote]

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