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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "I guess I don’t get why infidelity is a big deal if sex before marriage isn’t"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A lot of what goes on concurrent to infidelity is trash behavior- lying, gaslighting, projecting, meanness, potentially giving your partner an STD. But to me this seems so much worse than the actual act of a physical affair itself. When I read about the trauma and the betrayal of an affair and how it is the breaking of a sacred vow, it makes me feel like we are time traveling to the 1700’s or a time when a person was assumed to be a virgin before marriage. We have such a casual attitude about sex but suddenly you get married and bam- we are back to the old tradition where sexuality is sacred. [b]Either sex is a sacred special thing or it isn’t. [/b] I don’t know how it can be both. I don’t mean to sound like Esther Perel or something but I guess I do. I grew up in a very, very conservative family and I grew up with these extremely rigid attitudes about sex and I guess I see infidelity as a mistake now- a really really bad one, but a mistake nonetheless. [/quote] You're framing this weirdly. The sex isn't the point, the vow of fidelity is the point. There's no premarital vow of fidelity that is broken when someone has sex before marriage (unless you were raised in one of those creepy "promise ring with daddy to keep your hymen until he says you can give it to the guy he chooses" communities). Where there is no expectation of fidelity, sex is a personal choice. Once you've looked someone in the eyes and told them you'll be exclusive, the 'personal choice' you make to sleep with someone else is an indication of a lack of integrity on your part, not just a high sex drive. No one is obligated to get married, or even to participate in exclusive relationships. But if you do either, and then cheat on your partner, the problem is not the sex. It's that you're breaking your word. You're trying to frame infidelity is an extension of sex positivity, but what you're looking for is a free love scenario. Sleep with whomever you want, whenever you want. Just don't promise anyone fidelity at the same time.[/quote]
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