Reply to DS is violent and I am having a hard time telling the truth about that

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[quote=Anonymous]Not quite the same, but my now ten year old used to hurt herself when she was frustrated (age 5). It was escalating. I had to hold her down so she did not hurt herself really badly. She was five at the time. She would also throw heavy things at me - rocks, toys, etc - and try to hurt me. She wasn’t very good at it but could have hurt me quite badly if she had hit me.

I had shame about holding my child down. I had to hold her quite firmly and I was worried sometimes I would leave a mark and she would say something and they would take her away.

I also felt shame about the rock/heavy stuff throwing. I was scared to make my child angry in the car and made sure I took away anything she could use as a weapon.

It was only getting worse, and I really was scared that I was making things worse by holding her down (which felt violent because she fought restraint so viciously and for a long time). So I finally told her therapist (who was helping us with parenting). The therapist didn’t seem alarmed but recommended we make a padded room to put her in. That was  not realistic, but I did feel better once I told her - it helped that she seemed to take it in stride.

I have never told anyone else about my DD and holding her down. It’s like this ugly secret in our family. Hopefully our other kids are too young to remember, and I feel too much shame (for my DD and for myself) to say anything to my parents or siblings or close friends.

Wishing you the best, OP. My child did stop, although they still hit themselves (now DD is 10) when very frustrated. But mostly I look at DD and can’t believe it was ever as bad as it was. Hopefully that was a low point for us.[/quote]

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