Reply to DS is violent and I am having a hard time telling the truth about that

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. Will they take him away for being violent? I don’t want that and I think I’m scared that will happen.

It’s hard because [b]he’s never been violent at school or with other caregivers. 98% of the violence happens only with me.[/b] It’s so weird. He will be in a happy mood and excited to see me and still within minutes he becomes violent.
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I just want to give you a big hug. You realize he is doing this only to you because you are his safest person, right?  He is probably expending enormous energy at school masking and behaving appropriately and when he gets out of that environment he just can't keep it together anymore and he knows with you he can just let ho and you won't hurt him and you will still love him.

I would want someone to review his school environment and what kind of instruction and accommodation his is getting there so he doesn't have to hold it together so hard there.

This is also not because you are a "bad parent" or somehow doing something that makes him do this. I am sure you are doing given what you know about his diagnosis and what you've learned about how to handle it.  Our kids do not come with operating instructions (particularly SN kids.). Yes, you may need more help to strategize about parenting, but needing that help does not make you a bad parent nor does it make your kid a bad kid.

I second the PP above that a high level of violence should prompt a serious look at med adjustment.  You also have to tell the truth about his behavior - when you don't you are not helping him.  You absolutely can give context - he is great in X situation but violent in Y situation.

Finally, if his ASD diagnosis comes along with a mental health diagnosis like anxiety, ADHD or depression, please take the NAMI Basics class.

My DC was not violent until HS and even then it was not extreme but he was big then so it was scary and heartbreaking. Meds (SSRI) helped, but I was heartbroken because he always seemed so angry at me. 5 years later we have a good relationship and he recognizes I did things that he may not have liked but were absolutely in his best interest. It will be a bumpy road, but just keep trying - that, IMO, is what your kid needs the most - to see that you will keep trying to connect with him and keep trying to help him (even if it means sometimes he doesn't like it) and will always love him. [/quote]

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