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[quote=Anonymous]We are working parents with young kids, and we recently spent many hours trying to find a more balanced split of responsibilities. He offered to do pickup from daycare each day since I do dropoff and make dinner.

We agreed that he would leave by 5:30 - this is already later than I did pickup, and only leaves us like 15 minutes for family dinner, which is the only time we have as a whole family all day. He proposed this approach. At 5:00, I confirmed with him that he would leave no later than 5:30, that this was a hard stop for work, and he said "Of course."

Well, come 5:30, he is still on the phone with his boss, because the boss will be busy for the next few days, so he says 5 more minutes. At 5:35, he is still on the phone. I check in, he's like "I'm finishing up." At 5:40, he is walking out, still trying to finish up with his boss on the phone.

I got extremely upset. He said "Sorry, but it was important".

I told him that I can't trust anything he says. I basically have to hope and pray each day that something doesn't come up at work, never knowing which day he might just ignore what we agreed on, miss family dinner, upset our little kid who hates being picked up late, annoy the daycare teachers , make our older kid late for her activity. Basically, his boss controls our family life.

He said I'm overreacting and it's not like he's cheating, so it's not breaking trust. And can't I focus on the fact that most days he gets out by 5:30?

He has a history of breaking promises and putting work first, always working longer than he tells me.

I have a history of anxious attachment from my family of origin. However, I really think that I'm not being unreasonable here.  Because I can't trust him on bigger things if even these smaller promises mean so little to him. If he can't commit to leaving at 5:30, he should own up to it. If he thought he could do it, but now realizes it's only possible 80% of the time, he could say "Hey, I'm sorry I overcommitted. Are you okay with doing pickup at short notice when I'm stuck on the phone? Or let's look into hiring someone to drive our kid home?

How can I communicate all this to him? Or am I totally wrong here?
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