Reply to What is this feeing I experience from a memory of my mother?

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[quote=Anonymous]Feelings aren’t facts.

I’m not defending your mother, but I wonder why you talk kindly of your father who was never at things, and denigrate your mother, who also wasn’t.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to a lot of realization about the world that my mom would have lived in. Depending on your age, and SEC, your mother probably didn’t have as many choices about her work as you think she might have. Like now, there’s a lot of judgment about mothers who go to work - for her there was much more conflict. She may have been going to a workplace to be sexually harassed every day, judged by her friends and parents for not being a SAH, and had her own sets of hopes and dreams to try to fulfil. She may have also wanted to set an example to you about being a woman who can live those dreams and make their own money.

Now, I’m sad for you that she didn’t come to anything. I also wonder about your need to go to every darned thing for your kids, which I also don’t think is completely healthy. I think it’s also good for kids to know that there are others that love them are there  parents cannot be.

You’re doing the best you can, and your mother probably did too. It seems confusing when maybe all your needs weren’t met, but if I were you I would start to come to terms with that in some degree - even if it’s therapy to understand that those needs are still unmet, but that you’re not going to meet them through your children.

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