Reply to Should I try to become more of a sorority girl / PTA mom?

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Reply to "Should I try to become more of a sorority girl / PTA mom?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I grew up in an immigrant family. My mom and grandma pushed me to be a "real woman" - to get better at clothes/hair/makeup/nails, learn to flirt, be coy and alluring - so that I would one day get a husband.

I was more of a tomboy, really loved reading and debating big ideas. I have a sarcastic personality and big feelings - like, I get really excited about good things and really sad about bad ones. I did have some interest in clothes and boys, but I never mastered any of these "womanly" skills.

My mom's/grandma's constant advice on improving myself led to really low confidence. I didn't fit in at school and no boys were interested in me (probably a self-fulfilling prophecy).

In college, I bounced back and met my husband who is a nerd like me. He has a low sex drive, but overall sex was good and he really did not seem to care about my looks. He would still have sex if I looked like a mess, and on the flip side, if I got really dressed up, it would make no difference in his interest.

Fast forward 15 years, we have 2 kids and I still don't look/act like the PTA moms, former sorority girls, or whatever the right term is for women who look really put together, skinny, with great social skills and feminine mannerisms. I'm not overweight or ugly - just awkward. I have tried to improve myself, but it never seems to work, and money is really tight. I can't really afford regular nails, highlights and wardrobe updates - and honestly what I would need is a professional to make me over which is wildly outside the budget.

My husband recently has been saying that it would be nice to be married to a sorority girl - because it would be easier, more pleasant, etc. But he doesn't like it when I spend money to improve myself on the outside, and as far as changing on the inside, he thinks with my personality it's impossible for me to become bubbly and sweet. He says he loves me the way I am, but it sounds like he's saying it's okay that I'm second best. (And he of course acknowledges that he's not like a Type A "frat guy" himself, but it almost sounds like he's saying we just both need to give up and accept being losers together).

So, were my mom and grandma right? Would learning to be more feminine (either on the outside, inside, or both) have benefits for life/marriage? 
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