Reply to Trying to teach my son to be respectful is possibly ruining my relationship with him

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’ve seen that it can help all kids (but I think especially those with possible ASD or ADHD) for you to actually just say the words you think they should say in a tone of voice that indicates you want them to repeat it.  “Try again” means it’s possible for them to fail again and “speak kindly” is open to interpretation, so it’s helpful to just be conpletely explicit.  I’ve been trying it and it seems to result in less frustration anger from my 7yo son when I do.  I also try to reduce correcting in public unless it’s super necessary.  It’s embarrassing and often if I wait until later and bring it up privately he’s receptive to hearing why something he said was rude - this obviously only works for minor infractions. [/quote]

This is so helpful thanks. But also the point of my post because I feel like he’s just getting more and more mad at me. “Sammy, say ‘I can’t play right now, I’m reading’ (instead of GO AWAY). I worry I’m nagging the heck out of him but my goodness![/quote]

OP my son is ADHD and they said not ASD but I always have had a sneaking suspicion he is a little on the spectrum (I know ADHD can present with similar symptoms though). He is also 8 and last year he had a LOT of trouble speaking kindly to his younger brother. I actually gave him some scripts. Like, “if Jack tells you something or shows you something, you should just say ‘that’s cool’ if you aren’t interested in it. Because he just wants to show you things, so when you ignore him or tell him to go away, it makes him try harder to show you!” and he seemed to respond to scripts pretty well. I’ve also told him he can ALWAYS decline to play with his brother if he doesn’t feel like it (he needs a lot of down time away from social interactions sometimes) but his script is to say “no thanks but we can play something later”.

My son is actually quite motivated to please and wants to be “good”, so his disposition sounds different than your sons, but he had such similar struggles with being polite instead of blowing up in frustration at his brother (or sometimes his friends). Scripts helped a lot until he was able to mature socially a little more![/quote]

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