Reply to S/O- I can’t stop thinking about my emotional affair partner

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[quote=Anonymous]And I don’t know what to do about it.

During a particularly horrible period in my marriage, I developed a relationship with another man.  It was pretty brief, and we both decided to stop communicating entirely.  It’s not likely that I will ever see or speak to this guy ever again.

But I can’t stop thinking about him!  I fantasize about him so often; more often than could possibly be healthy by any stretch of the imagination.  I didn’t even find him sexually or physically attractive, but in my fantasies, I am all over him.  It’s utterly bizarre.  I realized later that I was addicted to how he made me feel- that I was sexy and vibrant and not a middle aged frump in a failing marriage.

Meanwhile, DH and I are doing so well, we actually graduated couples counseling, as in the counselor felt we just didn’t need her anymore.  Our relationship is better than it ever was, we are intimate frequently, we make each other laugh, we solve conflicts without big fights, etc.  I  love my DH very, very much.  My career is going well, my kids are doing well, our finances are good.  My life has never been this good before and yet my brain is trapped.

My only hope is that the whole thing fades over time- it already has, but at a snail’s pace.  My thoughts about the other man are not quite as emotionally charged as they once were, and kind of spike at certain times of the month.  But I hate it.  I decided that if this is still bothering me in a couple weeks, I will return to my therapist or the couples counselor on my own (I graduated individual therapy too!).

If anyone has gotten through this please advise.[/quote]

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