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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]First situation: I would 100% have allowed sil to pick up my kid after crossing guard duty. My sil did this and my kid loved it. Your reason for not allowing this is silly but you probably know that. [/b]

Whenever a family member isn't understanding the situation, I step in for my kid. I agree with pp about running interference. "Oh, sil, Larla wants some down time right now so I told her she can retreat to her artist's lair alone for a bit." Then when DD is in her room, explain to sil that dd functions so much better when she gets some alone time, therefore you're allowing it even when relatives visit. (Google introvert recharge time if you need words to help sil understand how normal this is).

[/quote]

She used to pick up DD from school - quite often, as a matter of fact. But now DD prefers to walk home alone. It’s not about the specific scenario; it’s about her not listening when I specifically ask her to NOT do something. [/quote]

Then you need to call her out it:
“Madge, I specifically told you not to go to Larla’s school but to come here. Yet you went to the school. Is it that you didn’t understand my direction or that you did understand and chose to ignore it?”

She’ll argue back right away with “What was the big deal? Larla loved having me pick her up! Gosh get over yourself.”

And you can respond with, “So you chose to ignore my request and just do what you wanted to do. Let me be clear this time: When I give a direction about my kids, my expectation is that you follow it. That’s it.” Then walk away. There’s no more discussion.

Then stop having her stay with you. And definitely stop sharing information about your family. People who don’t respect boundaries don’t get rewarded with attention and information. [/quote]

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