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[quote=Anonymous]My MIL is critically ill and does not appear to be getting better, if not slowly worse. She is on a ventilator and FIL just signed her DNR. FIL is not entirely clear with her clinical state: if there’s hope for recovery or if she will likely continue to deteriorate. He gives one word answers and won’t give DH permission to talk to the clinical team about MIL’s state. She was in the ICU for over 10 days, and has been in a long-term acute hospital now for 30 days. She keeps getting worse: her mental status has not cleared, she’s had issues with blood pressure, vomiting, edema …

My SIL and BIL are both off work right now due to the grief and stress. DH is still working. FIL is expecting DH to drive him to the hospital everyday. It will add 1-1.5hrs to DH’s commute. DH will get home after daycare pickup time (5PM) and I’m being asked to leave work early to accommodate DH transporting FIL to the hospital. FIL can drive just fine. He just doesn’t want to deal with commuting to the city by himself.

We have a trip planned to Germany and Switzerland in April. Parts of the vacation are not refundable at this point, we do have travel insurance but I’m not sure it would be covered. DH has asked FIL how serious the situation is and he just won’t answer. We have no idea if we should cancel our trip.

I’m very sad for my DH losing his mom. I’m not really in a position to be adjusting my work schedule for FIL. I’m a manager in a government agency, we are understaffed and there really isn’t anyone able to step in and help with my work tasks. I would have to leave work an hour early everyday to pick up DS from daycare.

SIL/BIL have made no efforts to step in and help with their dad’s transportation to and from the hospital. FIL does just fine driving out to his remote cabin 2+ hours away on the weekends to give himself a break, but can’t drive himself to the hospital. BIL and FIL live together!!

I know I sound unsympathetic. I asked my DH why he is being expected to take on the tasks of transporting his Dad to/from the hospital and he just said it’s his family dynamic.  [/quote]

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