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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We had a shit show of a morning. I feel like a terrible mom. My oldest has anxiety, ADHD and an eating disorder. I have been very proactive in getting her help and she is doing well. She actually wasn’t the problem.

In a lot of ways I’m the problem. For so long there was always some sort of crisis and I just wanted everyone to be ok. I did a lot of accommodating of my older child and frankly she needed it. And it didn’t seem far to expect so much more of her younger sibling so I was doing way more than I should for both kids. I have been trying to wean off of the accommodations and my older child is accepting it really well. Medication, therapy and maturity have really helped.

But it has made me realize how much I’ve screwed things up for the younger one. He has been throwing huge tantrums, whining and sobbing when I won’t bend over backwards as much as I used to. He also seems really really anxious to me. His level of worry over certain things is honestly worse than his older sisters ever was. But he’s doing fine at school. I mentioned my concerns to his teacher and she thought I was crazy. My husband thinks I am looking for problems because the school has not complained. Neither of us know what “normal” looks like. I can get him through most scenarios and to do most things we need to do but I think I’m probably providing a lot more support than a typical parent.

On days like today I feel like I need help with my younger son. The parent training we did for our oldest does not seem to work as well with him (it was great for our daughter). But I also am tired and worn down and I understand my husband doesn’t want to start the process of looking for or paying for a therapist or testing for a second child.  I feel in my gut we aren’t helping my son the right way but I don’t trust myself anymore. Maybe I’m just a bad mom because I’m worn down from caring for our older child. Or maybe I’m just going to be anxious about my kids forever and I’m looking for a problem that isn’t there.

If you have BTDT with concerns about a younger child please share your experience.[/quote]

I should add it’s not just the anxiety. He seems to space out a lot and need a lot of reminders. I don’t think I even realized until recently because I was doing so much for him. Again I just don’t feel like I know what normal looks like and I guess he’s ok at school. But he is really bright and has always been ahead academically so I don’t know if that’s masking attention issues (that was the case for my daughter but she is also hyperactive and got diagnosed first based on that). [/quote]

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