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[quote=Anonymous]Much sympathy to you OP. You are a much better person than me. I'm an only child with a widowed father who lived to 90. He lived independently in a condo 5 minutes from my house up until around the age of 87. I was his main social contact and did a lot of things for him on a daily basis, including bringing him meals. I had a young child at the time, so was pulled in several directions.

After a series of falls, I convinced him to move into assisted living for his own safety. He ended up moving into The Virginian in Fairfax where started off in an independent living apartment and then received assisted living services as his needs increased (bathing, toileting, dressing), and finally, hospice services.

He was an introvert so didn't make any friends or participate in any of the activities, but at least he was safe. I visited every day for hours and took him to all this appointments (at least 2 a week). My home was not physically set up for someone who used a walker, had frequent falls, and could not climb stairs--most homes are not. He convalesced at my home for a month at a time after each hospitalization (heart surgery, falls), but it was tough because he had to sleep on a bed in the living room and I would have to drive him to his apartment for showers since he couldn't do stairs.

And, frankly, it would have been too much for me to take care of both an elementary-school age child and a senior in the same home. I am grateful that he accepted the AL  arrangement and made the best of it and did not guilt me into living with me. I was stressed as it is providing the care that I did, which still took hours every day, and was on anti-anxiety meds and developed stress-related shingles. Like you, my DH worked-works 12-14 hours a day, so I was essentially a single parent. I would have completely lost it if I had as much on my plate as you do. Your health and your relationship with your DD (who will soon be gone and with which you will never get back this time) and your DH are important. You can preserve those AND still be there for your dad--just not in your own home. Hugs to you and know that you are not alone. [/quote]

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