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[quote=Anonymous]This is going to sound awful, but I'm really grateful that I went almost no contact for a few years. I waited until my kids were old enough that she could form her own relationships with them, and I never interfered with that. That completely disrupted her expectations of me. There was no more expecting me to host her periodically, or that I would visit, etc. I am very fortunate that she has enough money and a good long-term care insurance policy. She also has a husband with power of attorney and health care proxy. He is handling her dementia (honestly, probably better care than a memory unit). I reestablished contact with her as her dementia was taking hold. I have asked my step-father what the plan is if something happens to him, but he has shut me out of that and will give me no information. I call, but then a lot of feelings surface, and sometimes it's a while before I call again. It is really triggering for me, some of the things she says, and then my own sadness at her decline. I fully expect that something may happen to her husband, and then it will be full disaster mode, but she knows and expects to end up in a care facility. [/quote]

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