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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hope for what?

Life is not a Bollywood film. What exactly are you expecting?

I say this as a woman who made our marriage like a romance novel upon request until I got cancer.[/quote]

OP here. Hope for us to be happy together. Hope for me to stop doubting whether he loves me and parlaying that doubt into fights.

My husband has always been like this. I realize that I can get over it when life is fine overall, but when I’m having a really difficult time (at my very intense job, with recent political events that directly endanger my loved ones’ lives, constant kid illnesses, etc) I just really struggle not to have a safe haven where I can feel loved. I don’t think connecting for 5 min in a loving way is a “romance novel.”[/quote]

If he has always been like this, then at some point you believed that he loved you despite his demeanor.  This also means that he has other good qualities that you love despite his demeanor.

Spouses can change but often by small degrees over time and it’s not fair to expect his entire personality to change all at once.  For a lot of people, doing the day in day out work of living together is really the only way they are able to show their love.  My FIL was like this and he was horribly sad when MIL died so we know he loved her.  I think you need marriage counselling to parse this out.[/quote]

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