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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband is extremely non-expressive. He’s not a words guy, doesn’t have a high libido, doesn’t express emotions unless he’s really upset.

We went through a rough patch recently because he was overwhelmed with a stressful job and two young kids and got very resentful about how our life turned out and was snippy and mean.

We went to therapy and the resentment seems to have gone (It’s been over a month since the last incident) but it’s replaced with… nothing.

He pulls his weight at home, he’s polite to me. We talk about logistics. Occasionally we’ll have sex and it’s good.

[b]I feel a total lack of love from him[/b]. I think it’s reasonable for spouses to express love every day in small ways. For instance, sharing an interesting article he read, saying that he’s looking forward to cuddling on the couch together after kids go to bed, suggesting a date night idea, just any 5-second indication that he cares.

[b]He feels that doing this a couple times a week is enough[/b], and I should just know he loves me even if he’s just spent the whole day working/talking logistics/greeting me with small talk and an expressionless face.

I’ve tried using the approaches  we learned in therapy to share how important it is to hear a few loving words. I’ve tried giving him lots of space and not taking abt this at all so he doesn’t feel pressured or defensive. But I think this is just who he is as a person. 
[/quote]

You say total lack of love but then go on to say he does the things you want a few times a week.  Am I missing something?  Sounds like he does make an effort, just not as much as you’d like.  Marriage is about compromise, some times you don’t get everything you want.  Instead of focusing on the times he doesn’t, change your mind to be appreciative of the times he does.  Reminds me a little of the mismatch in peoples sex drives.  Lots of people want sex every day but have to live with a few times a week or even a year.  [/quote]

But I’ll add another point - if you can’t live with the compromise - then you need to ask for a divorce and make it clear it’s not his fault, you two are fundamentally incompatible and didn’t realize it until after you had two kids etc.

Also make sure you’d be happier single, than in this current relationship.

This sounds harsh, but as a wife who is like your husband with a husband who is more like you - it’s really hard to be affectionate when every time I am, it’s met with a “that’s nice, why don’t you do that more frequently” [/quote]

Agree! 
With OP’s scenario, I am her husband (as a wife) and she is my husband. I don’t feel appreciated for the things that I do, when I do them but he has no problem calling out my short comings. It makes me not want to do those things so those things now get done out of maintenance.[/quote]

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