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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DD 14 is very 14. Lovely to other people, charming and a great student at school, then comes home and unloads all the big feelings onto me. Critical of my every glance (I know its normal, I remember doing it myself to my mother) but then also complaining about how much she hates school, her sport practice that day, etc. etc. I listen - I do my job. I acknowledge how hard that must be and validate her feelings. If I ever suggest any solutions, it is, of course, met with even more hostility.

I get it, this is typical. But I'm honestly sick of it. I feel like she unloads all her anger and frustration onto me - and then I am supposed to carry it for her. I don't want to do this anymore. I hate the fact I dread picking her up from school because she's going to be such a pill in the car. I hate the fact that everyone else gets the nice happy DD and I only get the snarly version.

When did we as a society decide parents (aka mothers) were just expected to absorb all the shed emotions from our teens without question? Why do I have to sit there silently while she rails on about how unjust one thing or another is? I feel like I am being handed burden after burden of hers to carry because that's what mothers are supposed to do. But it makes me sad and anxious myself alongside also being essentially bullied for existing at all to begin with.

Why do I need to be a martyr exactly?[/quote]

I feel like I wrote this!  My daughter picks a fight with me every day I pick her up.  The other day she mentioned two girls who go competitively ride horses (she does not ride - and I don’t really know these girls - I’m just listening).  So, I’m trying to be a good parent and let her talk - ‘oh, are they friends?’  This made her jump straight down my throat shouting at me - ‘no they’re such different people!  How could you imagine they are friends’ etc.  I respond - ‘well, they both ride at the same place, attend the same small school and church, and their parents travel in the same social circles’.  Again, I’m met with hostility.  So finally I say - ‘let’s not talk.  I don’t like the way you treat me.  Honestly, I don’t care about what two kids I barely know do for their extracurriculars or if they are friends, and I was just letting you talk and that’s what you brought up.  I am tired of this happening on repeat about very mundane topics every day.  If you cannot treat me with respect, don’t talk to me.’. This is probably the wrong approach, but after a very busy day, honestly this is the last thing I need.  Especially since I pick her up and drive to the elementary school to get her little sister and nearly everyday she picks a fight with her sister too.  Generally, she’s a sweet kid, but he has MOODS!  and I always get the sh!+ end of the mood stick.  I’m done.  She only treats me like this in the 2 hour window after I pick her up from school.  I will avoid talking to her in the time from now on.[/quote]

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