Reply to Does your spouse make you feel like you have perpetually wronged them?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Constant criticisms for seemingly minor transgressions? 10 year grudge holding? Rude comments? Who else lives this way? With a dominant personality partner who is unreasonable.[/quote]

What has spouse said when you've pointed this out? (Preferably not during an argument, but at a calm time between you.) Do you halt when there's a rude comment and call it out as rude on the spot?

I'm NOT saying that to throw blame on you OP! I'm only trying to see whether you've tried pointing out and resisting the treatment, or if maybe you're so beaten down by this that you just let it slide off and say nothing.

Especially with grudges, what does he say if you've tried to address the specific things he's holding grudges over? Grudge-holding is toxic in any relationship but in a marriage, it's especially damaging. Especially if you did something for which you felt you should apologize--and did apologize, but it wasn't accepted.

Have you done any therapy on your own? I would, ASAP, in order to figure out why I was staying with someone like this, and to find some strength and strategies for leaving. If you have kids under 18, of course, "just leave" is easy to say but much harder to do.

Depending on your situation re: kids, I'd start immediately and quietly assessing finances, salting away money if you can do so (in ways he can't access it in a divorce), and talking to an attorney. I'm not one for "divorce!" as the knee-jerk answer to everything, but I'd prepare the business side of asking for a divorce, and then consider if there is anything I still loved about him enough to make couples therapy a non-negotiable option before pulling that trigger. If you do have kids, bear in mind that he might badmouth you to them on his custody time and blame you 100 percent for every issue and for the divorce, in front of them. [/quote]

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