Reply to About to Jump Off a Ledge Over Upcoming MIL Visit, Please Talk Me Down

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[quote=Anonymous]I would not assume that she would be happy to get rid of you. Perhaps you got that feeling early in your marriage, but maybe now she wouldn't want that for her son.

Also, I don't know why you immediately jump to divorce. Has this been suggested recently, by your husband or his mother? There are many solutions and alternatives. Statistically, men generally do not initiate divorce, OP. They know they will have to provide child support and possibly alimony.

I would sit down with your husband when he's calm, and explain that his mother's visits have worsened your mental and physical health for years, and now you cannot take it anymore. That you feel abused in your own home by this person, and that you feel he enables this abuse by not protecting you as he should. That this has permanently impacted your view of him as a human being and partner. If he cannot respect you, then you cannot respect him, let alone his mother.

Therefore, you declare that if he cannot curtail her visits, you will act as you see fit to protect yourself, and you do not care how you are perceived anymore by anyone.

What would you want to do, ideally, if you cannot physically stop her from visiting? I assume going to a hotel for the duration would be cost-prohibitive, but it's an option -if you start costing your husband enough money, he might see the light. Make sure to point out divorce would be even more expensive. Perhaps you could rearrange your house so you have a set of adjoining rooms, with a bathroom, that lock and only you have the key/code. You can call contractors and set that up before she arrives. You put everything in there that you don't want her to touch. You make yourself a cozy retreat. Obviously your husband sleeps elsewhere and uses another bathroom - that's not your problem. You ignore her as much as possible, don't lift a finger for her, and especially ignore her if she starts being rude.

Or you could go nuclear, tell her never to darken your door again (if you are indeed listed as co-owner of the property), physically attempt to refuse her entry, change the locks (your husband will need a new key, so limited success there), throw out anything she brings or changes in the house. You could out-yell her, scream insults, threaten her and make her life so miserable she'll leave in a terrible huff. All of this to make her visit not worth the effort. Would that make your husband divorce you? I doubt it, for the reasons cited above. He seems like he's a wuss waiting for the women in his life to fight for pole position. However this option is highly stressful and bad for your blood pressure, and frankly, you don't seem like the sort of person who's ready to do this.

But you do have options, OP. That's the idea you need to hold on to. Be creative. As long as you don't touch her physically, there are some pretty nasty things you can do to her, and some pretty nice solutions for yourself.

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