Reply to About to Jump Off a Ledge Over Upcoming MIL Visit, Please Talk Me Down

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[quote=Anonymous]Not to be too dramatic, but I am literally breathing hard and near tears after just discovering that my MIL is planning to come here in three weeks.  The problem is, she just left.  She was here for 3 weeks up until yesterday, and I don't know how to describe having her here except to say it's stressful and nearly unbearable.  It usually takes me about 2 weeks to recover from her visits, which are always a minimum of 2 weeks long (once she stayed almost 4 months!).  There is never and end date for her stays.

She takes over my house when she here, re-arranging furniture, replacing decor, cooking in my kitchen for up to 8 hours a day.  She goes into my room and takes my laundry and washes and folds it, like my underwear and everything, even though I have asked her numerous times not to do that.  There is a constant running commentary of parenting advice and criticism, and she gets angry if she hears me ask DH to do anything at all (take out the garbage, be a parent, etc.).  There is no privacy with her around.  She has a terrible temper and although she only occasionally becomes very confrontational, that's mostly because we all tiptoe around her, and most of the family - including me - are scared of her.

When she is in my house I am so anxious that I have literally sat in my car for several hours in order to avoid going into my own home.  I feel sick all the time, and live on junk food because I don't even feel comfortable eating in my house.  Unfortunately, I'm an introvert, and home is my safe space, and I'm not OK without it.

So now that I'm told that although she just left, she will return in a few weeks, I'm beside myself.  I don't want to have a huge argument with DH, who is definitely never going to stand up to her, which leaves me no option but to consider leaving.  But in a way, that means she wins, since getting rid of me has been her goal for 25 years now.  When I was younger and had small children, I could be sure that if it came down to a choice then DH would choose me, but that's not a given these days.  And I don't want to divorce for financial reasons and also because we have a tween who would be devastated.  And other than this, DH and I get along pretty well.

I'm not sure I need advice, because there is really no good solution, but I'd love to hear from anyone in a similar position or who has a similarly horrible MIL.  And yes, she's from another country, but I'm not saying which one.  But I wish she would stay in it!

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