Reply to Kids telling me all their negative stuff

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes. I had kind of an epiphany about this recently, where I was feeling annoyed by all the complaining, and then realized that I'm just her safe place to put all her complaining about school, friends, etc. Thinking about it this way helps me detach -- she just needs a listening ear and validation.

But 99.9% of the time, I do NOT problem solve. If she asks me explicitly what to do about a situation, I will talk through it with her and see if I can support her in finding a solution. But most of the stuff she complains about, I don't even attempt to solve. Homework a chore? Yeah, I get that -- I felt that way at your age. Friends being annoying? Ugh, that does sound annoying. Frustrated about being stuck in the chorus in the school play? That is disappointing, I can see how much you wanted the lead. And so on.

I don't actually think she wants me to solve these problems. Most of the time I think she just needs to express a negative feeling and needs a safe place to do it. Sometimes I think talking about it helps her figure out it's not that bad or that she needs to do X or Y (without my input). It's really the very rare issue where she actually wants mom's input.[/quote]

I do try to not solve. Some things I feel like I have to though, like the stupid calculator. DD would still be looking for it and not have it for her test. It's all very aggravating to me whether i solve or not hearing all the negativity, and sometimes the problems do worry me if they don't annoy me.[/quote]

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