Reply to My MIL is forcing us to pay for my FIL's nursing home because she wants to stay in their house, their only asset

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[quote=Anonymous]
My mother-in-law has become physically very frail, to the point of hardly being able to get out of bed. She refuses to go to a nursing home. Moreover, until recently, she insisted on keeping my father-in-law at home. The reason for this was the generous payout that she pocketed from his long-term care insurance (this is in Germany, so do not call me a troll if it does not work the same way here in the US.) He was then sporadically looked after by a neighbor a few times a week.

Previously, he was in a nursing home for 1.5 years, and I paid for his nursing home out of my own income (meant as a loan, but my MIL refused to sign any loan documents). My mother-in-law had lied to us claiming that they had very low retirement income. In recent months it turned out that his retirement income is double the amount she claims. She herself has no retirement income, having been a housewife.

In December she dumped him in a hospital while needing to be hospitalized herself. The hospital put him in a nursing home. The insurance covers temporary nursing home care while the main caregiver is ill. But now that the temporary payments are over, we want him to stay there, because at home he was completely neglected and severely malnourished. My mother-in-law refuses to give up any part of his salary, and tells us that we have to pay for it if that is what we want.

Their only asset is the house, and it is entirely in her name (inherited).

Even if we had the money to pay for his nursing home (the part not covered by the LTC insurance), even then she should not be staying in the house, because she cannot be cared for there. The house is tiny, but spread over three stories, and there are no interior doors (except for the bathroom).

I am really upset. An uncle has initiated a guardianship proceeding over his brother. Legally, in Germany the spouse is responsible for the medical costs and nursing home costs of the other spouse. So the guardian can force her to sell the house (or put a reverse mortgage on it, which would be a bad deal).

I am very concerned that my mother-in-law would turn completely against my husband if "we" force her to leave her house. She does not care that we would need to take out a loan to pay for my FIL's nursing home.[/quote]

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