Reply to Do I have a right to be petty and spiteful?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m feeing annoyed.

A couple years ago my dad had major surgery. It was in the middle of a snowy winter and I was visiting 1-2 times a week, also usually bringing my kids along with me because it was the only thing that worked logistically since my husband was working weekends then. At the time my MIL was complaining to DH within my earshot constantly about how unfair it was that they were spending “every weekend” with MY parents. Yes, she’s a bean counter. He would defend me, but I didn’t have the energy to defend myself. I was so angry because it wasn’t something I was doing TO her with malice, I didn’t love driving in snow and ice, it wasn’t a fun time. She never, not once, offered to spend time with them as a way of helping so I could visit my dad alone.

Now [b]she’s had a major surgery[/b] and wants visitors constantly. [b]DH is working a lot right now[/b] and I don’t have it in my heart to bend over backwards driving the kids to her. I know it’s wrong and I’m doing it on purpose. I think she never thought [b]her meanness[/b] would have repercussions, or she might one day be in the position where she would NEED me.

Am I a jerk? How wrong is it if I leave this 100% to DH to being the kids on HIS time? [/quote]

You're under no obligation to take the kids to see her.  Any choice is valid here.

But a couple things jump out at me that I hope you are considering alongside your making a connection to what happened a couple years ago...

Whatever else, this is a woman who has been through major surgery.  It is a kindness to visit.  Assuming that other than the bean-counting you mention she is otherwise a relatively OK MIL and, more importantly, grandparent, it would be nice to take the kids a time or two.  Yes, the obligation is on your DH, but if he truly does not have time and you do...

Also, what she did was not "mean."  She had a self-centered view of the situation and vented it when she shouldn't have.  That was not "mean" in the way that it was intended to hurt.

I also try to view things like this through the lens of how I want to model behavior for my kids or what I would want them to do in that situation.

Again, totally up to you and you are not wrong if you choose not to go.  Just offering some other things to consider and other ways to look at the situation.

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