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[quote=Anonymous]I have been on this board for a long time. My DD is now in high school and doing well with her anxiety/ adhd/ dyslexia. She works hard in CBT and takes SSRI to manage her mental health.  In early HS one of her challenges was having suicidal thoughts when things were really hard. I share this background because it informs our new challenge.

My DS has started “dating” in the 9th grade. They are both quite young and sweet together. They mostly play video games and talk about fan fiction. DS has ADHD and doesn’t always pick up on social cues, plus he’s a 9th grade boy learning to navigate his first relationship. I don’t know the profile of the girlfriend and I don’t know her parents.

Yesterday the girlfriend had a terrible day at school. DS texted her after school to see how she was doing.  The girl said she wasn’t doing well and she was going offline to take a break because she was upset and having self-injurious thoughts.  DS said he was sorry and hoped she felt better soon, and asked her to let him know when she was back online or would see her at school today.

DS was talking to me about this because he is worried.  He doesn’t remember a lot about his sister’s challenges. He wanted to ask the girl to promise not to have self-injurious thoughts. I explained that isn’t how this works and that she can’t control the impulse. I suggested that he ask how he could help or even ask if she thought she needed to talk to someone for more help. I shared a couple of hotline numbers to have in his wallet.

Now DS is worried that if they fight, she will think of hurting herself. And he is getting anxious about that. I’m trying to explain that it is up to each of us to manage our mental health and his girlfriend seems to be working on that.

But this dating stage is new to me. DD hasn’t dated yet and is watching with great interest these discussions since DS brings these things up during dinner.  DD says she feels like she would just be honest by sharing she was having a hard time and that is her issue to fix. DS feels overwhelmed at the thought that he might be the cause of these sorts of thoughts for someone he cares about. And as he put it, he knows he ‘s going to mess up and hurt her feelings at some point.

How have others navigated this? I would be very grateful for any suggestions.[/quote]

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