Reply to How many years of caregiving?

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[quote=Anonymous]I have been at this for almost a decade and here is what I have learned, hope something helps you.

1.It varies so much and it's not even all about how bad and long the decline is, but how they treat you. My dad's decline and illness was very long with many emergencies and hospital visits, but I felt loved and appreciated so I got the warm fuzzies that I could be there for him and he was grateful.

2. FIL and MIL were stressful, but at least they were considerate enough to live in a CCRC so we could visit and know they had a network for emergencies. It was bearable and I was not burned out and they liked where they lived. One died so peacefully in his sleep at the start of his illness-we should all be so lucky. The other opted for hospice over chemo and I would make the same choice for myself. She was actually the nicest she has ever been at the end and I think if anything my husband wished it could have always been that way.

2. Mom has been a terror, highly abusive refusing evaluation, lashing out, exploding at doctors and after enough years I really struggled with depression and passive suicidal thoughts dealing with the toxicity. Plus, no matter how much i did for her I was useless garbage and she complained out me to all. I would never harm myself, but I secretly wished something would happen and me, my husband and kids would all die together because I knew if I was gone she would be abusive to them.

So, I had to have a team for her and step back because I really didn't want to live this way for another year and she wasn't even in my house. I became ill as well which helped rid me of any guilt. It was killing me. I tell you this because you have to pay attention to what is going on with you. People are living much longer and there should be no shame in making sure someone gets decent care from strangers. [/quote]

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