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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'd continue letting her come over as much as your daughter, as her friend, is comfortable. And I'd tell her that hitting another adult is illegal so I believe hitting children should also be, and that just because someone says something even if they're your parent, doesn't make it true.[/quote]

Thanks for all of the helpful comments.

At dinner this week my 8th grade DS was quoting a YouTube video that included a swear word. He apologized for swearing at the table, and we reassured him we understood it was a quote.  Then the friend shared that they had done the same thing when they were in 6th grade while taking a bath. And their mom then hit them with a coat hanger so they would learn not to swear. And that it was good that they learned so early and that being in the bath made it easier to clean up their back. There was complete silence as we all struggled with how to respond.

All I could come up with in the moment was that I was sorry that happened. And that we don’t believe in hitting kids to teach them, so she didn’t have to worry about DS being punished later. The friend then said it was ok that she needed to learn and maybe if her mom had been more firm with her she wouldn’t be so lazy.  Friend has excellent grades etc, so this was also a troubling comment. From there I just said I didn’t think she was lazy and then changed the subject and brought out dessert.

I’m now having to discuss more with my kids about their strategies to manage this. They both agree that they want to keep having friend over, but they just don’t know what to say. We’ve landed on “I’m so sorry that happened to you.” And “Just because your parents say it doesn’t mean it’s true”

My younger son doesn’t have to deal often because we don’t do a lot of sit down dinners. We’re usually much more casual and there are activities. But DD shared she sometimes feels overwhelmed at how awful her friend’s home life is. She feels helpless too.

I guess I don’t know what I’m asking here. It’s just so sad. I hope she can go far enough away for college she gets a break.[/quote]

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