Reply to DH was a huge jerk to me today and I don't know what to do next

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[quote=Anonymous]We've been married 10 years.  He's sensitive, communicative, and responsive to my needs most of the time.  He's a totally involved, gentle dad.  But twice this week he's snapped at my verbally in ways that are shocking to me and pretty out of character.  On Wednesday I had worked a really long day, he had done a lot of heavy lifting on childcare in ways that I really appreciated, and then he called me "lazy" for not jumping to help him with a request that night after I got home ("help me find paper" in our house). The first time he apologized a few hours later and we talked about it and how it made me feel and how inappropriate he was.  Our typical argument dynamic is he storms away to another room for a while, I follow wanting to resolve things right away, he needs time, and depending on how that goes we usually come to a place of talking about things calmly and feeling better within a few hours or so.  That's basically what happened when he called me lazy, but the name calling still stung.

Today, two days later, he shows up in the room I'm working in complaining about a piece of furniture we just placed and insists we need to move it now because it's driving him crazy.  I tell him I like it where it is.  He says it's really important to him that we move it, I say I'm about to get on a work call, and he huffs and pushes the table over to where he wants it, in a rough and aggressive way that is atypical of him.  After my work call ends I go to call him out on that and he doubles down, says I was being unreasonable by refusing to move it, etc and then somehow things spiral into him swearing at me and calling me an a-hole three times.  Which is WILDLY out of character for him.  WILDLY.  I then start moving his stuff around-- we've talked for months about him clearing his clutter off of a table in our room and he hasn't prioritized that, so I put it in a pile on a bookshelf in the same room.  If he's going to move something around urgently because it bothers him, I'm going to finally tackle the thing that has been bugging me for months, which he has never prioritized doing, despite agreeing with me that it looks messy.  He responds by taking all my stuff out of the bathroom and depositing around the house.  Like a child throwing a tantrum.  My toothpaste is on the couch, my face lotion is on the floor.  It was insane.  I can't even believe the words I'm writing here.

We are both WFH today and I've been ignoring him.  I picked up my stuff, put it in another bathroom, and went back to work.  We were supposed to go out to dinner tonight, have a babysitter bringing the kids home at 5.  I don't know what to do.  I'm not cancelling the sitter - I'll go out alone for a few hours if we haven't resolved things by then.  I just literally don't know what to do next.  I'm still furious and so gobsmacked by his behavior, and hurt and confused.  [/quote]

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