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[quote=Anonymous]I feel it times 100. I spent many years helping my mother with my father with no appreciation. She became more and more entitled, arrogant and emotionally abusive. It was a huge ordeal to get a dementia evaluation-hoping that would explain it, but she passed. I spent a while in therapy exploding things and realized she has always been this way, but my dad and her friends helped keep it in check and now she has fewer outlets and an aging brain. I tried all the strategies and still she was so agitated and mean around me. I found when I had my own health crisis I reached my breaking point with her.

I got a lot of outside professionals involved with checking on her, managing finances, etc. The fact she could continue to be abusive when I was battling my own illness made all the guilt go away. It was clear to me it was a huge inconvenience to her and if I passed away she would say the same thing she said when a friend of her lost an adult child "what a waste of all the years of effort raising a child." To her she raised me to be her servant.

We are low contact and if she wanted no contact that would be fine with me, but I don't feel right have no contact without her initiating. She does go through periods of punishing me with the silent treatment and I enjoy the break.

I can only admit here. I don't like her. She has lost any empathy she once had. She is abusive. She is self-centered. I al fortunate my husband is nothing like her. I work hard to break the cycle with my own kids.

I will make sure she gets decent care, but can no longer be her verbal punching bag.

I am glad I developed healthy coping skills as a kid and an adult despite it all.

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