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[quote=Anonymous]New parents (everyone but 4 of us) on my daughter’s swim team decided to have every girl in her age group write notes to a secret buddy before each meet with encouraging words. Anyone with a child who’s been 9 or 10 can probably guess how this is playing out. Originally it was going to be one buddy for the entire winter, and then some girls were brats and complained (audibly!) about their buddies, so their moms advocated for changing buddies with every meet. There was drama from the start.

I don’t like these things and don’t feel like doing it but we are taking a few minutes out of our week to remember to do it and it’s fine. My daughter rose to the occasion and has been busting out her gel pens weekly and making her notes sweet, creative and encouraging, even when it’s for girls who aren’t the nicest. She’s had a hard season and is learning big lessons in sportsmanship, especially when she has to write encouragement to the fastest, meanest girl on the team while she’s struggling.

After having pretty much her worst meet and practice week ever, my daughter was looking forward to her note this week. I was crushed when I saw her open it and her face fall. It was clearly written at the last minute by a 40-something woman, with the vocabulary, handwriting and paper to match. The note did not have a positive impact on my daughter and left her feeling “sad and weird” instead of feeling cheered on and encouraged.

There are girls on the team who are literally refugees and barely speak English who have managed notes, and most girls’ districts had snow days this week=lots of free time. I can’t imagine a situation where someone can’t have their 3rd or 4th grade child write/draw a note with 7 days’ notice, especially after all the fuss the other moms put up about how important these notes were.

Do I say something on the group text of 16 moms? Stay silent? There are only 3 more meets after this one so most girls likely won’t experience this if I don’t say anything, and if I speak up I’ll probably look like the jerk, right?[/quote]

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