Reply to FYI: Every elderly person doesn’t behave badly just because they are sad or adjusting

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[quote=Anonymous]My mom is like this.  She’s got a myriad of physical issues coupled with dementia and she’s turned into an awful person.  In her case she’s terrified all the time and her anxiety is off the charts (she’s medicated but it doesn’t seem to be helping).  She doesn’t sleep well because she’s so worried about everything all the time, and this leads to her taking out her fear and anger on the closest person to her which is me.

Looking back she’s always been incredibly codependent and my dad just took care of her.  The second he died she looked to me and unfortunately I filled that role.  Even before the dementia she didn’t care that I’d have to drive an hour each way several times a month to help her with something (I’ve since moved her closer) and she has never respected my time or my efforts.  Years ago I mentioned how my work was suffering due to all the time I had to spend taking care of her and she told me I should quit my job.  I’m a single mom with a single income.  Zero empathy.  Never had it, still doesn’t have it.

Selfish people are going to be selfish.  The last eight years of my life have been spent managing my mom’s life, even when she was fully capable of managing her own affairs.  The last two years she’s been more than a full time job.  It’s a million times harder than raising kids and way less rewarding.  My life is on hold. Her needs are being met while mine aren’t a consideration.

Since this is an anonymous forum I can admit that sometimes I find myself so envious of my friends whose parents turned into sweet old people, or those whose parents died suddenly or after a short illness.  [/quote]

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