Reply to FYI: Every elderly person doesn’t behave badly just because they are sad or adjusting

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[quote=Anonymous]Sometimes they are just being mean or difficult because it’s part of their nature. Or want to be controlling. I have an elderly friend on our street who will not move out of her home or hire someone even though she is disabled. She knows how disabled she is. She just truly believes that entitles her to other people’s time in exactly the way she wants to use it. She has millions, she has lots of choices. She won’t exercise any of them because she doesn’t want to. If you offer to run an errand, she gets insulted if you don’t do things X or Y way. Example: mail a package at the post office, but don’t use one of those indoor machines because she wants to know if it might be fifty cents cheaper to send first class with added insurance as opposed to priority where it’s already included. The fact that she wastes your time on a post office line is irrelevant in her thought process. My mother is now being mean to my sister sometimes in ways that I recognize her being mean to both of us from childhood. It’s not a change of behavior, despite her age. It’s because my sister is finally setting limits and she doesn’t like it.

Sometimes it’s not malicious but fear-based, but that doesn’t mean the other person helping isn’t being abused in the process. Either way, my full empathy rests with the caregivers.

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