Reply to Dealing with abuse by a mentally ill family member

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Is this the weird stalking aunt?

I recall one problem with that situation was that family members would give her OP's contact info, by accident or inattention.

So when she calls, she calls from numbers that do not appear to be her own? Same for emails? Offensive mail and packages do not have a return address you can recognize?[/quote]

For emails and packages, we believe that she gets info when visiting older relatives and likely “borrows”
iPads and phones to get changing address info.

I don’t know the stalking aunt story, but yes, she uses spoofed numbers and blocked numbers. We do have to check blocked number vms and some spoofed number vms because we have certain colleagues that have to use blocked numbers and the spoofed number calls are often our local area code or our parents’ and resembled medical centers or other places that we receive calls from.

The packages are always sent anonymously but with “inside jokes” on the gift message so we know it’s from her. For example, she’s had rude/obscene, custom things printed by Etsy makers. She’s sent us dog feces via companies that are somehow allowed to do it as long as they package it with tons of glitter and “cute” packaging and label it as “for humor purposes only”.[/quote]

I'm sorry you are going through this.

I agree with others that you can tighten up some practices to avoid exposure to gifts and communications altogether.  Don't open packages you didn't order or you aren't expecting/don't know who they are from.

Get a second phone and separate your phone usage. The second phone number is your work/services phone. That number can be given to colleagues, service providers, the pharmacy, etc. Don't ever give that number to any family member so you know you can safely check those messages. Or tell your family that you don't check voicemail and then delete them without listening/checking.

I also think you should get some therapy. I can't quite tell if part of your issue is that you're hoping this family member gets well and you are able to have a relationship or that this just eats at you. Both are normal emotions. If I'm being totally honest I get the impression that you have difficulty trashing the packages/deleting unheard voicemails, etc. You need to get to a point where you can mentally do that and not wonder if finally your family member has gotten well.

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