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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is where Unstuck and On Target can help. She is struggling with being flexible. She needs to learn to develop coping skills for when her Plan A (cleaning up when SHE is done) doesn’t work. It will help her to learn to identify her feelings. She needs to recognize feeling frustrated, and how tense it is on a scale from one to ten. When she has strong emotions that hit a four, she needs to recognize them and use a coping skill. You can help by giving her the language, saying that this is a time to be flexible and switch focus to something else.

I’d recommend a social skills group or an OT that works on regulation. Good luck. [/quote]

+1 My DS (now 17) sounds a lot like your DD (ADHD/anxiety/language disorder never met the criteria for ASD but has some overlapping symptoms). It can be touch to determine the origin of a particular behavior but, with him, it often led to a flooding of emotions and a meltdown/tantrum (even at an age where it wasn't appropriate).

We worked with a great OT on emotional regulation (did I mention what a horrible loser DS was for a VERY long time?).  She adapted the How Does Your Engine Run method.  In school, the school psychologist and counselor worked with DS and other using Unstuck and On Target.  At home, it was critical that we have an appropriate discipline approach. I attend some Positive Discipline classes, read up a lot about the language of discipline as well as how to work with kids with anxiety and language disorders.  There's no single way to parent a like this and you really need an understanding of their challenges to know how better to approach things.

I've seen the SPACE program recommended here recently which seems to be offered by the Ross Center.  I've an excellent experiences with the Ross Center so I imagine it's a good program.  I found PEP too expensive and didn't have anything new to offer to my (YMMV).

Finally, one of the foundational things I did was to ensure there were appropriate 'boundaries' for the kids.  It was my youngest that sounds most similar to you but I've also got an older DS with ADHD/anxiety who had his own challenges.  Emotions should be acknowledged but they do not excuse unacceptable behavior.  Unacceptable behavior has been pretty clearly defined.

In regards to the train set, it sounds like you handled it well.  You acknowledged your DD's want (not need) to put the train set away.  You noted that younger DC wasn't finished with it.  It's not fair to younger DC to take away the toy because older DD wants to put it away.  You moved the train set somewhere else. Win-win.  As time goes on and you continue to work with your DD on flexibility and self-awareness, it will get better.  It took us years and an SSRI but it's gotten better.

https://www.rosscenter.com/services/parent-consultation-training/space/  [/quote]

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