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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My older sister is always talking about how she's setting boundaries, but her behavior just seems judgmental. Her attitude comes across as everyone in the family has profoundly disappointed her and she has to set boundaries because of how awful we are. I'm not even clear on what the boundaries are. I treat her like I treat other people. I reach out to spend time with her, listen to her etc. She just doesn't seem to like us but keeps saying this is about "healthy boundaries."[/quote]

It’s likely that you are expecting too much togetherness.

1. If anyone, especially family, declines an invite accept it happily. Do not try to work the problem or find solutions to why they declined. Do not go on about how upset you are or how much you’ll miss her or how sneer eldername whoever will be just crushed. Your response is either no problem, catch you next time or completely understand!

2. Do not invite yourself along to her family events. You don’t need to be part of the birthdays, recitals, games. Do not constantly invite her for every event in your life. Respect that you have your own lives.

3. Drop holiday expectations. Maybe her family wants to travel or just chill with their nuclear family.

4. Do not ask prying questions. If she wants to share she will.

5. Do not offer unsolicited advice. Before you share your opinion or wisdom, ask yourself, did anyone ask for my advice? If the answer is no then stop. [/quote]

I don't know. This isn't bad advice although not really applicable to the situation. I don't do almost any of those things. I guess the thing is, she ACTS like I/we do those things even though we don't. Her family travels every year for the holidays. No one cares. No one, not even my elderly father gives her a hard time about it. He makes it clear she's welcome to celebrate with him and our step-mom, but it's not expected. 
In general though, this seems very cold and distant. I definitely don't want anyone asking "prying" questions about my life, but I don't see how it's inappropriate to show INTEREST in someone's life. She asks if I'm dating anyone. Is that prying? [/quote]

OP, can you give a concrete example of a boundary she's set? [/quote]

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