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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]https://www.drpsychmom.com/empathic-ruptures-when-you-cant-forgive-your-partner-for-not-being-there-for-you/

Look into empathic ruptures. My DH pulled similar juvenile shenanigans when I was pregnant/ a new mother and I can’t forgive him. Looking back I shouldn’t have married him, but here we are. [/quote]

This is a really good article. I like the 4 numbered points. I’ve never seen an apology process laid out in 4 pieces before. I’m terrible at apologies and want to do better. (I see how celebrities mess up public apologies! But I can’t fix my personal ones)[/quote]

OP here.  We did something close to these steps, about 2 years ago.  I brought up several occurrences like these that I told him lived on in my mind and I had a hard time forgiving him for.  I asked him to let me speak, because normally he interrupts, explains away, or says that it's unhealthy to bring up the past.  And he actually sat in silence and listened, and that made a big difference.  And then I really do think he was trying to understand and empathize.  And he could see that it really hurt me. There was no apology, and he said he was silent because he was trying to really process what I was saying instead of responding. But he did acknowledge that he could see that the way he acted hurt me, and that he couldn't really explain why he acted the way he did.  But in order to change, he would have to really shift his entire way of thinking.

It's been better after that.  But I guess I have not taken that last step and actually forgiven him.[/quote]

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