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[quote=Anonymous]I'm not sure "boundaries" in the modern sense of the word has one agreed upon definition, but they way a lot of therapists et al use it seems to refer to removing oneself from another's unwanted behavior without forcing/controlling them. I like Dr. Becky's definition: Boundaries are not what we tell kids not to do; boundaries are what we tell kids we will do. Boundaries embody your authority as a parent and don't require your child to do anything.

So if someone is making rude comments toward you a boundary is "if you speak to me or my child again that way we will leave this gathering". Very useful tool, imo.

My husband's step-mom sent out an infamous email "setting boundaries" to our entire family several years back and a lot of it was who other people were and weren't allowed to invite to gatherings (that she was not hosting) and various other things that were not her decision to make and I wouldn't really call boundaries. She wanted to state her case and bring to attention the way she thought things should be, without inviting discussion. She had valid feelings and issues to bring up about some things, but the way she went about it just made everyone think she was being ridiculous.

I've seen "boundaries" used as a way to say "we don't want to do that and we're annoyed that you would even ask" for things that I wouldn't consider unreasonable to ask about. Or just a way for someone who feels overburdened to be a martyr.[/quote]

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