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[quote=Anonymous]Ok.  Based solely on your post here it sounds like you have a good husband and a somewhat normal marriage.  A lot of people go into “roommate mode” when they have young kids, and you have 4.  A lot of spouses turn a bit critical after many years.  My DH can be very critical and his childhood was idyllic.

As someone who had a traumatic upbringing with a mentally ill parent, I sort of resent the implication that any and all issues in someone’s life are related to their parents and trauma.  Sometimes, especially with therapy, you can rise above these issues.  No, I didn’t really explain my parents’ problems to my DH when we got together because I didn’t even understand them or the extent of their mental illness- I wasn’t hiding anything.  But this didn’t mean that my adult life and my marriage are doomed.

It sounds like you need individual therapy and you 100% need couples therapy.  If DH appreciates the therapy he can do individual therapy too.  Men are often resistant to therapy and you can’t do much about that.

And I’m sort of confused about what DH’s upbringing has to do with your sex life.  If having to initiate was such a dealbreaker you shouldn’t have had 4 children with this man.  It doesn’t even sound like he rejects you, just that you initiate.

And the cursing- DH has shared with you in plain language that the cursing bothers him and reminds him of his addict parent, and you disregard him and ignore his stated need.  In your whole post, this is the only really bad partner behavior and it’s coming from you. [/quote]

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