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[quote=Anonymous]I need advice. My DH is the adult child of an alcoholic/addict. His dad has been an alcoholic and addict since he was born and is quite abusive to his mother. MIL will not leave due to her social status and lifestyle. DH never told me about his dad. At our oldest child's baptism, his dad acted out (peed on our floor at a large family and friends party, banged his head badly on the brick patio, threw up all over our dining table) and it was brought up, but DH made it seem like it was "new" and related to his parents being displaced due to their home being flooded. MIL told me this Christmas that FIL has been this way since she was pregnant with my DH.

DH was super attentive, kind, communicative the first few years of our marriage and while we were dating. He went out of his way to take care of me, shower me with affection, and be loving. Since our four kids were born, DH is a very doting father but he is more like a roommate/friend. We have intimacy, but our communication is terrible and I don't really enjoy being around DH. My love language is quality time and he barely spends any time with me. He travels for work almost every week. He is super tired after the kids go to bed and usually goes to bed at the same time. When I wake up early or stay up late, I am by myself. He is not interested in the same things I am and I have taken up all his hobbies and sports so we can spend time together as a couple and a family.

I feel like DH never wants to talk to me about what is going on with him or our relationship. He is either overly attentive to me or he is critical. For example, I curse frequently as it's just my lexicon. He will correct me that he hates cursing and it is a trigger for him due to his dad. He will comment that I need time away from the family like his dad does. (I am an introvert and DH really wants family time 24-7 or to entertain. I have a demanding job and 4 kids under 12). DH will not initiate sex and waits for me to initiate because of how he was raised. This was an issue when we were dating and I wish I had ran, honestly. Would Al-anon help me understand my husband? He NEVER shared his dad was an addict when we were dating or moved in together and he is super defensive about it. FIL is in his late 70s and not going to change. DH does not have any issues with drugs or alcohol. [/quote]

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