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[quote=Anonymous]Random sharing.  Hope others do so too.

Just a list of things that helped us on our journey.  Wish someone had told me this years ago (and that I had listened).

1. Reduce household demands.  What does that mean? Reduce demands on kids - and make everything simpler in your house.

•What does reduce demands on kids mean? One activity a day might be their limit.  While they might need lots of outdoor time - planned activities with friends or family should be limited to one a day (or less) on weekends/holidays.  Another example, They might not engage in certain helping behavior/chores or self care alone for years if not decades after peers.  Accept this.

•What does reduce household demands mean? Simplify your life.  Declutter on a grand scale.  Adhd kids and adults can not find things unless they can see it clearly.  Also too many choices means indecision paralysis.  Whole house needs to be visually clear, calming, and have lots of negative space.  (Think about how a good preschool is set up - pictures of how the things should be put away for example, shelves never crowded). Hire help to do this if u can and if not it might take a few years to achieve.  (This is very counter to our consumptive society - so again another way your life will be different).  Every possession has a burden of storage and maintenance.  Families of special needs kids don’t typically have the bandwidth to clean and maintain lots of extra things.

2.  Don’t forget Parental mental health.  Figure out if u need therapy - probably.  It can be really hard to accept how different your life will be from what you thought it would be.  It is a constant work to accept this for me.  
•And are u high masking neurodiverse yourself?  (My child is 16 and I think my spouse might just be ready to get his diagnosis).  
•Marital counseling if needed.

3. Meditation.  Science says it can rewire your brain and reduce stress.  If u are on this listserve - u probably are chronically stressed.  Give it a go.  Also if u do it, and it helps, your kids might adopt it as adults.  Hard to get kids to do it - so not suggesting.  100 percent wish I had been doing this when my kid was a baby.  Did not really start until pandemic.

4.  Accept that original diagnosis may change.  Different issues may come to
Light once bigger concerns are addressed.  Stay on top of science.  Diagnostic criteria and best interventions change.  I had my suspicions about 2 conditions that it took years to diagnose.  Mostly because my kid was not presenting typically and science needed to catch up.  Something you viewed as a choice might be biologically based and it might take years or decades to figure out.  (And that is why therapy for parents os useful).

5.  If family can’t help physically but they want to give i gifts.  Ask for help paying for all of the above - therapy, cleaning crevice, organizer,…..  
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