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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here:  Thanks for the thoughtful responses.  I have been talking to my therapist for years about this problem.  She is all about STOP doing nice things for her and not to let her treat me poorly.  My daughter tells me I give her anxiety when I approach the subject.  She is coming home later this month and I am honestly don't want to be around her.  I think my next approach is going to be to tell her I am not responsible for her happiness, nor she mine.  At the same time, I will permit her to treat me poorly.  I have suggested that she get help.....she will not.  It's her journey.
I have to let go of thinking  that I need to suck it up because I don't want to damage our future relationship!
I really thought I was a good parent.....not so much![/quote]

Why on earth would you discuss this with her? Just stop. When she asks for something extravagant or inconvenient, just say no. If she wails that she doesn't know what she'll do if you don't help her, say gently and lovingly "Honey, you're a smart woman and an adult. I'm sure you'll figure it out. I believe in you. I know you can stand on your own two feet."

You're creating a lot of drama around a process that should be natural and gently done. You're setting boundaries and gently shoving her out into the world as an adult, not disowning her. It sounds like you're really enjoying this mess. [/quote]

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