Reply to When to intervene- Mean Girl Bullying

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[quote=Anonymous]My teen daughter goes to a very small private all girls school in NYC which is where we live. She has a friend group of about 15 girls but this year something changed. The girls were being “sneaky mean”. Ignoring her, acting like she didn’t exist, not including her outside school but still showing up at her parties and asking her to throw more, piling on her with insults that were “just jokes”, snapping at her at school.  So she tried to stick up for herself and it got worse. Her best friend dumped her and began sucking up to the other “popular” group members. I tried to talk to the mother of her one time “best friend” who was also my friend. The mother said she wouldn’t get involved and the girls needed to work it out themselves. I felt shamed like an overzealous bad mom for trying to intervene.

Then the tide changed. A few other really mean things happened quickly to pointedly exclude her and intended to hurt her. Then Daughter was last minute invited to a sleepover.  I advised he not to go based on what was happening. She wanted to go. At the party, her old best friends “new” best friend viciously went after my daughter in front of the other girls calling her horrible names causing my daughter to sob and melt down crying The other girls at the party laughed at the whole thing. The old best friend cheered on the abuse and bragged about stoking the flames it the next morning.

The girl who went after her half assed apologized via text and claimed she was drunk. Radio silence from the old best friend. I think a line was crossed. I know all of this because we have a very small apartment and I could hear my daughter sobbing the story out to a mutual friend. This isn’t about simply working out differences anymore. At what point do I intervene again? Tricky because I am friends with the Moms of these girls but she is obviously my only priority and will go down in flames for her but also don’t want to further hurt her by alienating her even more from these girls and losing her trust because I overheard the story. My husband is freaking furious and wants to intervene. I have been trying to take a measured approach. I don’t want things to get worse. Thinking of changing schools for DD. She is a sweet sensitive kind pretty girl. Hence the target on her back. I am torn how to handle. Thoughts?

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