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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
I would take her comments with a HUGE grain of salt, OP, especially if she's very active on social media and uses it to judge others. It's not the behavior of a trustworthy person. Sadly I've had multiple people in my circle suffer from cancer, and neither them nor their spouse ever did that on social media.

People react to serious illness differently. Some will not put themselves forward and rush to help, because they don't know what to do exactly. They just say: "let me know what I can do". Others organize meal trains, bring gifts, call for updates, etc. Neither of these is better or worse than the other. When you're the patient, you need to learn to ask for help.

My friend currently battling lung cancer confided to me that she received the exact same gift from 5 friends and didn't know what to do with them! She appreciates the gestures, but the gifts themselves aren't useful to her. I am very careful with meal trains, because having been sick myself, I know not all food is welcome, and everyone doesn't have the same tastes. If you're on steroids, for instance, it's best to avoid salt otherwise you're going to retain massive amounts of water. Or maybe chemo is making you nauseous, and no food is going to be super appealing anyway. Or maybe you can't get out of bed, and you really need high-fiber foods due to terrible constipation... you see what I mean. Most people aren't terribly thoughtful and just give what's easy for them.

In general, the impulsive people rush to help, and the less impulsive wait to be asked for a specific action. I seem to have become the default driver to and from chemo/appointments, because I have time during the day and am available on short notice.

I agree with this person. It is disturbing to blast your grievances on social media. Also, the food trains and guilt trips crazy and out of control. I was asked to be on one for a family I knew was gluten free and had numerous allergies the "saint" arranging it was not aware of any of it and refused to at least mention it. My friend could not risk having ANY of the food. We got her food we knew was safe on our own, but she didn't feel right advocating for herself when the food train leader ignored what I said.

My mother received all sorts of kindness. I was there daily helping when dad was toward the end. She got food gifts from neighbors. The list goes on and she appreciated none of it, yet she complains that nobody will do anything for her when she has a minor surgery. It's because she can't be gracious and her "thank you" is said with an annoyed face.

It's best to just appreciate what people do and have grace and assume you aren't the only one facing things. Even when one of my kids had minor surgery I could not there for a friend until recover was over. There are still risks, doctor appointments, follow ups, pharmacy runs, making sure records arrived and I had nothing left to give. Once I saw my kid was healing well, then I could shift focus.Others may have decided I didn't have a good excuse, but too bad. I had a cousin die during a minor surgery due to a bad anesthesia reaction. I needed all my reserves for my kid.

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Oh no, hard no - I think so many wonderful, compassionate people share their health or medical journeys on social media - don't paint them with an untrustworthy broad brush. Sometimes this means speaking hard truths: When you're sick, some people drop you. That's not being judgmental. It's speaking your truth. And sometimes, the truth hurts.

"Impulsive" people rush to help? Kind people rush to help. Proactive people rush to help. Those who have "been there" rush to help. "Waiting to be asked" isn't helpful for someone struggling to keep their head above water. They have better things to do than to ask. Reach out. Be proactive. Don't put an already beleaguered person in the position of begging.[/quote]

Criticizing others on social media is the problem. Not sharing the medical journey.

I stand by what I said, PP. It's not begging to ask for help. Kind people will respond.
The people who initiate a gift or food or something else will sometimes hit the mark, or sometimes miss. That's fine. 
But it's not "better" than someone who reminds the patient that they are willing to step in, then wait to for a specific request. 
Of course we're not talking about people who do not acknowledge the diagnosis or flake out on requests for help.

I've been the patient and the helper for many years, I know what I'm talking about.

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