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[quote=Anonymous]You have my sympathy, OP.  My own Mom didn’t seem Really Old until she was in her late 80’s, and began to have multiple serious medical issues after surgery.  It was a shock — to me as well as to her.  While she often struggled physically, her sense of humor remained intact, and her desire to be a Mom remained intact.  We talked a lot (I wish I had thought to do recordings), and I learned a lot about her, so our relationship continued to grow.

It’s hard, OP, sometimes horribly hard.  But there will likely be moments that sustain you and opportunities to build memories that you will both treasure.

At one point, when she was in her 80’s, my Mom had surgery.  My very independent, funny, social, opinionated Mom, could barely sit up and seemed frighteningly unfocused.  Fortunately, her surgeon referred her to NRH — to their cardiac rehabilitation program, and she was able to almost completely regain her quality of life.  They —and she — truly performed miracles, and she maintained these improvements and her independence for about a decade after her NRH stay.  I say this because “coming back” can happen.

It sounds like your Mom is in a lot of pain, and on a lot of medication— both factors that can hugely impact well-being.  In your shoes, I would see if NRH has an appropriate inpatient program (not the outpatient rehab) that can address pain management and quality of life issues with intensive therapy.  If not, I would see if they can provide assessments and recommendations.     I apologize if this is less then helpful, given your mother’s concerns.  I do want you to know that you are very much not alone in dealing with all of the emotional and logistical complexities that you’re facing now.  Wishing you the best OP! [/quote]

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