Reply to Resentment - impasse over home improvement

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Resentment - impasse over home improvement "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]I almost posted this in Home Improvement and then changed my mind to relationships. I’m so tired of trying to get DH to agree to a full kitchen remodel (that we can easily afford, in cash.) He wants to do literally nothing at all, but has reluctantly agreed to a “facelift” but keeping our cabinets. It’s not what I want but we’ve been discussing it literally years. I resent him for this but I’m wondering if doing nothing while we argue makes me resent him more. I just worry we will paint the cabinets; new counters, etc and I will just resent that it wasn’t what I wanted.

It’s not going to end there because the bathrooms are in even worse shape. He literally just does not care about how things look. He has alternated between claiming he doesn’t want to spend the money and he doesn’t want to deal with the stress and inconvenience of a remodel. Prior to the rate hikes, he said he’d rather move to a house someone else remodeled than live through one at our house, despite knowing when we bought the house 10 years ago that it was already dated and would eventually need work. Now instead he says things like “maybe we will buy a new house when [youngest] goes to college in 6 years. We are at a complete impasse which suits him just fine because “nothing” is what he wants anyway! I really like our house and street but I really regret buying it - I didn’t see this coming at all, even if I should have.

This just makes me so mad. Like my feelings on the topic are irrelevant. Yes he makes a lot more money than I do but I am the primary parent and am not a frivolous spender. We are pretty frugal with the rest of our lives. No debt except our low mortgage, college fully funded and retirement accounts in great shape. It seems crazy to go to therapy over this and I’ve tried just forcing myself to let it go and not care. I succeed for a few months and then all my feelings come right back.

I feel like I am crazy. What would you do - about the house, about the husband, about my feelings, etc. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics