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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Dealing with this now. My mom is widowed, finally got a diagnosis of anxiety and depression and under care of a geriatrician who has prescribed her Wellbutrin and Remeron.

She is now in an independent living community

Can you begin to make some plans? Get her to a doctor for some baseline checks (MMSE-memory) and screenings? Make the physicians be the bearers of good and bad news.

Is your mom driving? Pro tip: in VA, you can anonymously request a medical review be opened on a driver. Packet of forms sent to driver with 30 days to respond. Hold or note placed on drivers license while under review then if no action, license gets suspended.

I have more tips as going through this now with mom and MIL.

[/quote]

She has a thousand drs and not driving bc of physical stuff. But will never agree to go into any kind of home or community in a thousand years. The mh issue is not well controlled despite best efforts of extremely well regarded drs in large city. I feel kind of hopeless [/quote]

PP quoted and…ok…good she’s not driving. Really that’s huge. Also, she has doctors - excellent!

So here’s what will happen; her never agreeing (to overt stubborness) to “never go into any home” again is fine for now UNTIL there’s a precipitous event AKA an emergency that renders all of her choices irrelevant. For instance, she suffers a fall. Breaks a bone. Has to be admitted to the hospital for treatment or surgery. Rehabilitation will follow. Social workers will intervene and decide if appropriate and safe for her to return home and if so, under what kind of care and monitoring. Will a visiting nurse come once a day?

Or, she needs extensive modifications to her house. Is she willing to install an elevator? A chairlift? Install a ramp? Sleep on main floor in a hospital bed?

My dad got a dementia diagnosis and my mom refused any and all modifications to their house and moved my dad to skilled nursing where he lived out his life for 3 years.[/quote]

op - all this has already happened. she is currently at home with round the clock care and my dad. but lives abroad so it's all a nightmare about to unfold. bc the carers cant be responsible for keeping her alive and kicking and not going crazy all alone with them. 
i have no idea how to stop this train completely derailing any second. [/quote]

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