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[quote=Anonymous]Just this morning I was thinking of the one who got away - or rather, the one I pushed away and still wonder about.

We had an amazing sexual chemistry - both mindblown from the first time. We were both high libido and we followed it. Tons of sex, very passionate. He told me he loved me first and he was pretty clearly wild about me, and me too but I did have a niggle in the back of my mind - was he too good to be true?

One day he took me to his sister's house to visit while he went on a dental appointment. She mentioned something during the visit about his prior pattern of 'chasing every pretty face' - I noted the comment but didn't pursue it, I wasn't even sure if it was some kind of passive aggressive potential sister in law comment, some SILs make a sport of wheedling brother's wife.

But after he picked me up and we headed home, he RAVED about the dental assistant who'd cleaned his teeth, how pretty she was and how she seemed to be flirting with him. His face was aglow during those comments.

I don't recall my response in that moment, I might have said nothing but just made a face. But I do recall, even 30+ years later, how stunned and sick I felt by the incident. Although I couldn't articulate anything, I knew deep down this was a huge red flag.

For a man getting the best of everything with zero stresses in the relationship (we were in honeymoon period full blown) to be salivating over another woman and also rubbing that into the face of the woman he declared he loved? That's some serious disordered personality - some kind of narcissist who will always need the attentions of other women and you can bet when there is stress in the primary relationship, it's going to lead to infidelity.

So yeah here it is 30+ years later and I still too often tell myself I was probably wrong and missed out - but then I try to justify that kind of behavior in some kind of way that includes true love and respect and I just can't.

I expect most men will flirt a little bit given the chance, but any kind of good man doesn't do it in front of his love and he doesn't act on it, ever. What is the point of marriage or other committed relationship if the commitment is optional depending on one partner's whim?[/quote]

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