Reply to Partner always seeing the bad side of things

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here, I think I’m hoping that therapy would help. We communicate pretty well, have the same sense of humour and similar values. It’s like we’re generally doing well but keep being interrupted by these bouts of unhappiness.. but really they end up being our life.

The sunk cost fallacy, being in my early 30s and having spent five years with someone, doesn’t help. Neither do our joint finances, but I guess I’m holding out hope that we could improve with therapy.[/quote]

It is hard to know without being a fly on the wall, but since you don't describe anything that sounds abusive and you do admit to certain shortcomings in your own behavior and relational skills that might be contributing to the issues you have with your partner, I think five years together should merit at least a six month commitment to therapy (individual and couple's) before you cash out the investment.

I don't know if you've ever checked out the shows that are about couples therapy, or have you ever been in couples therapy before? So many people are struggling in relationships that could greatly benefit by helping them learn effective and respectful communication skills, which many of us aren't really taught in life, we just stumble and if we are lucky and have healthily married parents, we learn by observation.

Anyway couples therapy can either help you build the skills to stay together or it can also be the off-ramp, the path to figuring out that it isn't meant to be and hopefully to ending it in such a way that there isn't trauma that will effect future intimacy.

So, get thee both to therapists - individually and together - for the next six months, minimum. If the rest of your life isn't worth that investment, priorities are also a problem.[/quote]

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