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[quote=Anonymous]My 72 year old mother in law is having an increasingly hard time getting around, especially getting up and down stairs. She is of sound mind (mostly- see concern below) so DH and I know this is her decision to make, but would like to encourage her to sell her house and move.

She currently lives alone in an older 2 story house that only has a bathroom upstairs. Some days she says she can’t navigate the stairs at all and stays upstairs all day- eating food she brings up periodically.

She lives in a small city about 9 hours by car from us. When her knees are ok enough to get to her car, she can drive and she still has a lot of friends there. Although we would love to have her closer, we are pretty sure she wants to stay near her friends (which we completely support).

The one slight weirdness that gives me pause is that she refuses to allow anyone else in her house. She prefers to visit us, but on the occasions we visit her, we stay at a hotel and eat out. I can kind of see not wanting me or the kids in the house, but even when DH visits alone, he doesn’t get invited in. She wants to upgrade her internet connection but refused to allow the cable guy in. This has been going on for at least 10 years, and is not a reaction to Covid. She also hates  to have things delivered and is convinced all packages will be stolen off her doorstep immediately (which they might be- some sections of her city are not great and the neighborhood might have gone downhill in the last decade).

The situation cannot continue for much longer. When she comes out for the holidays, I want to make DH and MIL think about ways to make her safer at home. They are a family that never talks about anything, so I am probably going to need to force the conversation. DH intellectually agrees but I know won’t push it.

What are the options we should present? Independent living facility? 55+ community?  One story condo? DH was thinking one story house, but I think maintenance will be an issue long term and she should be someplace that accommodates a wheelchair if need be.

If she insists on staying in her current house, what should we ask for? Some sort of medical alert system? I’m concerned she won’t push it even if she’s immobilized because she won’t want anyone in her house. [/quote]

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